"My mother is the queen of terrible biopics. The more turbulent, the more fantastical outfits, the more leaps of fantasy rather then history is what makes a biopic great in her book"

My mother is the queen of terrible biopics. The more turbulent, the more fantastical outfits, the more leaps of fantasy rather then history is what makes a biopic great in her book. Halfway through Grace of Monaco my mother, who raved about the recent Diana biopic like it was this generations Citizen Kane, asked me ‘Ok. Seriously. What is going on with this film?’

Grace of Monaco starts blunderingly as Grace, played by the usually great Nicole Kidman, wades into a diplomatic dispute on a yacht filled by aristocrats with all the grace and air of a 15-year old who just found Wikipedia. The entire film revolves around Grace as she deals with the decision to return to acting, the falling apart of Monaco as France wages war with the tiny nation and how many different outfits she can wear in one scene.

Her husband the debonair Prince Rainier is played by Tim Roth whose only job in the film seems to be wearing a moustache pretty well and smoking a lot – like an insane amount. Roth plays the role like he’s just walked off the set of Lie To Me and is trying to tell whether Grace is lying and considering her broken American accent he genuinely looks perplexed the entire film.

As Grace is finally ready to accept the role of the Princess of Monaco it all goes a bit tits up when France decides that a tax haven full of billionaires is probably not awesome in 1962. This would be an interesting plot twist but Grace is far more concerned with a 10-minute montage of her learning how to speak French correctly, walk correctly and act? Apparently her Oscar winning acting isn’t enough for the average Monaco citizen so we have to live through an amazingly Carry On style montage with Derek Jacobi playing some random count who disappears as soon as he turned up.

Olivier Dahan deals with the political turmoil between Monaco and France by seemingly casting French caricatures rather than actual French actors. Every French ambassador, citizen and even the President Charles de Gaulle are presented to us like money grabbing fiends who will make love to your wife with cheese and wine falls from their ever-so-decadent French lips.

This is especially ridiculously as the film winds to a close with Grace making a passionate speech to a delegate of Europeans and Americans in attempt to desperately bring all the nations together to help Monaco. The speech talks of truth and beauty overcoming evil adversity.  Which is fine, except she’s talking about Monaco shielding tax-avoiding millionaires not the, stomping on a bunch of pretty flowers and taking food from starving children.

We leave Grace as she eases into her role as Princess and humanitarian. My mother was eating Matchsticks at this point and had totally given up, a damning indictment of this confused, pointless and downright ridiculous biopic.